Are you in a relationship where you feel anxious, weary or upset at the thought that your partner’s recent actions, thoughts and beliefs are leading you to feel like you’re dating the wrong person?
In this article, you will learn five signs to establish whether you’re dating the wrong person, and how they can affect your confidence, self-worth and faith in your relationship.
1. You’re judged on your appearance all the time.
You’re getting ready for a night out together, you’ve made an effort to dress well, you know everyone is going to love that new green dress that hugs your curves and complements your ginger hair.
Everyone, except your boyfriend.
Someone who routinely comments on what you wear, how you apply your make-up or worse yet, your weight, is a sure-fire way to destroy your self-esteem and confidence.
- “You need to lose weight.”
- “That shirt doesn’t suit you, wear this instead.”
- “I hate it when you style your hair like that.”
- “When are you going to start working out?”
This is a sign you’re dating the wrong person.
Someone who goes out of their way to make their voice heard (in a negative manner), will make you devalue yourself, and the effort you put into a relationship. Don’t get me wrong, there is nothing wrong with telling your partner they need to brush up a bit, I’m not one for sugar coating.
However, if you’re aware that your partner doesn’t respond well to criticism, especially those of which are their insecurities, don’t keep feeding it down their throat, as they will be less likely to make an effort in any other area of the relationship.
Anyone who judges you solely on your appearance just wants you to be the mantelpiece of their living room, and the centre of discussion among their peers.
I suggest you give yourself some time out and date someone whose primary purpose isn’t to make sure you look good in a corset or some tight grey trousers.
2. They can never be wrong/They are always right.
Have you ever been in a relationship, where you seem to lose everyargument? You’re made to feel like the illogical half of your relationship.
This doesn’t just refer to arguments, but to every decision you make day to day. He or she just refuses to back down on their agenda, almost always making you feel like you have to submit to them. They will fight to the bitter end to confirm to you, who holds all the power in your relationship.
This shows a lack of respect; not only to you, but to the qualities you bring in a relationship.
- How would he/she behave when you’re looking for a home together?
- Are you “allowed” to make any major decisions in your relationship?
- Do they always have a reason to justify their actions, even those of which hurt you?
Someone who never accepts they are wrong is showing you their level of immaturity. It’s a quality which demonstrates to you, just how much they really respect you.
3. Your partner loves to operate their relationships from a position of power.
Unless you find this attractive, this is a big sign that you’re dating the wrong person.
- Do they control what you eat, what you wear and who you can and cannot see?
- Are you expected to have sex with them whenever they click their fingers?
- Or on the reverse, do they withhold sex from you and use it as a weapon/punishment for not doing chores around the home?
The sooner you realize this reality, the easier it will be to let go.
As they say, if you give them an inch, they’ll take a mile. You’ll be made to feel worthless, or that your qualities and strengths are being underutilized.
Having known people who were stuck in an abusive relationship up to 10 years, this scenario made me feel sick to my stomach.
I’ve witnessed individuals start to lose control of who they were—to the point where they started asking for approval of every decision made. Not the right foundation to build a relationship on.
4. They chastise you at every opportunity.
No matter what you do, you’re never good enough for them.
How must it feel to know that your partner nitpicks your every move? The way you eat, sleep, dress, talk and walk is judged and commented on.
Have you ever heard someone say “why can’t you do anything right?”
When you field comments from someone on a regular basis about your behavior or mannerisms—whether they’re positive or otherwise—you’re going to start believing it.
In its negative aspect, this is the perfect recipe for ensuring that you never believe in yourself again.
The strongest relationships are built on the foundations of trust, honesty and respect; both for yourself and for others. And how you communicate with your partner is what will determine whether your relationship has a future.
5. Your lifestyles are at the opposite ends of the spectrum.
This isn’t just a sign that you’re dating the wrong person, it’s also a sign that your relationship doesn’t have a future.
Some people are able to date others who are completely opposite to themselves, by appearance and lifestyle and lead fantastic, beautiful relationships. However, these are far and few between.
If your lifestyles are extraordinarily different, you will find it more difficult to appreciate and accept your partner’s life choices and behaviors.
If you’re an advocate of healthy living, mindfulness, regular exercise and healthy eating, but your partner despises the thought of keeping fit, your relationship could be due for a rocky ride. You may start to look down on your partner, even subconsciously, as they opt for a quarter-pounder burger and cheesy chips, as opposed to your sub-300 calorie salmon salad.
On the other hand, your partner may feel inadequate while standing next to you in the mirror, as they watch your chiseled body and washboard abs sink perfectly into your clothes.
Simply lifestyle differences can cause a huge ruckus in an otherwise “perfect” relationship.
The differences you and your partner have, whether large or small, is not a very clear sign you’re dating the wrong person. What’s more important, is their desire or lack thereof, to try and improve the relationships for the long term.
It’s not the differences you have that determine whether your relationship succeeds or fails, but rather your willingness to make those differences work for the betterment of the relationship.
The best way to determine whether you’re dating the wrong person is to ask yourself the following:
- What are my values, beliefs and opinions? (What is so important to me that I cannot let go.)
- Does my partner have similar values to myself?
- Can I overlook these differences/how can I fit his/her lifestyle into my own?/Can I accept these differences?
Truth of the matter, if you have misaligned goals, vastly different lifestyles, and values which go against each other, you’re probably dating the wrong person.